Variants of this have been doing the rounds for some years now. This is my updated version, especially for all those good, quiet, little geese out there in Internetland who are permanently baffled by human politics & economics…
Socialism
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
Communism
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucracy
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
Conventional Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron-style Venture Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank.
Then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a company in the Cayman Islands.
This company is secretly owned by the majority shareholder.
He sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option buy one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
Obviously no balance sheet is provided because it has been shredded.
The taxpaying public then buys your bull.
American corporation
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire an expensive consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
French corporation
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads, because you think you deserve three cows.
Japanese corporation
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon‘ and merchandise it ruthlessly worldwide.
German corporation
You have two cows.
You genetically re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
Italian corporation
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
Russian corporation
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and find you have 42 cows.
You count them again and discover that you only have 2 cows after all.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss corporation
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
Dutch corporation
You have two cows.
You want to make them happy.
You let them smoke some grass.
Chinese corporation
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest all journalists who report anything different.
Indian corporation
You have two cows.
You worship them.
Iraqi corporation
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so the Americans bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy!
Australian corporation
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
It’s a nice day.
You close the office early and go for a few beers to celebrate.
Hungarian corporation
You have two cows.
They both become very depressed and commit suicide.
New Zealand corporation
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
British corporation
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
Surrealism
i.e. corporate policy after a hectic team-building weekend in Amsterdam…
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Honk! Honk!