Are Americans more dumb than the Brits?

This allegedly US-produced map of the world, simplified to the point of stupidity, sums up graphically how many people around the planet regard the average American view of the world…

But is it really fair or wise to write off all Americans as dumb or arrogant?

Firstly there are plenty of dumb, arrogant and generally unpleasant individuals here in Old Blighty. There’s no chav like a British chav! I’d say that Springer’s flow of “trailer trash” actually seems quite bright compared to some of the specimens one sees dragging their knuckles along Shirley High Street, here in sunny Southampton.

Secondly, I think the current incumbent in the White House has probably done more to damage America’s reputation abroad than all other US presidents put together. But you can’t damn a nation because of its damned president! Remember that only 25% actually voted for him – and the vote-counting in several states was far from transparent.

Thirdly, America has done some great things, (e.g. Man on the Moon, Arpanet, Unix, GPS, Hubble Telescope, Maglites etc.) – along with some fairly dreadful ones of course (e.g Macdonalds, Microsoft Windows, Iraq war, Vietnam War, Jerry Springer Show, etc .)

Fourthly, there are a lot of Americans who are deeply distressed by their image abroad. There is a definite sense of , “Hey, when did we become the bad guys?”. I remember one American friend ringing me on the eve of the Iraq War saying she felt ashamed to be American. Another young American lad I got chatting to on a bumpy bus ride across one of the Hong Kong Islands told me that in his travels around the Far East he seldom admits his nationality, for fear of attack. He tells people he is Canadian.

On the bright side there are voices of resistance and they are growing stronger. We don’t hear much about it here – not unless you spend a bit of time on the internet.

This is my favourite. It is excellent. These people actually tell the truth! Bush’s administration don’t like them very much but it makes one think there may be hope for America – and the rest of us – after all..

I don’t like Mondays

I’m not awfully keen on Mondays. Actually I’m not particularly keen on mornings generally – being something of a creature of the night.

Just been rudely awoken by the planet’s noisiest bin men. Never understand why they just settle for kicking my wheely bin round a few times and thumping the side of the dustcart whist revving the engine till the governor cuts in. Go on Why not go the full hog? Blow the bloody lot up with some gelignite and let me get back to sleep!

I have a shed load of work to do but no energy or inclination to do it. Coffee has gone cold again and I can’t be bothered to waddle over to the microwave to heat it up again. And I can’t find my goose shoes. In fact, I am of the opinion the world is full of bastards and they are all out to get me. As as the late Kenneth Williams observed in his toga-clad role as Julius Caesar in Carry on Cleo,

The infamy, the infamy, they’ve all got it in for me!

A small accident

I had a small car accident the other day. I drove the goosemobile into the back of someone else’s car at some traffic lights. Little bloke, less than one metre tall got out of the other car, banged on my window and shouted, “I’M NOT HAPPY!

I wound down the window, looked down at him and asked, “Sorry mate, which one are you then?


London – what a dump!

When I was a mere gosling, I remember visiting Paris and thinking how much dirtier it was than London. Today completely the reverse is true. London must be Western Europe’s grubbiest capital.

Nothing seems to work properly in London any more, does it? Bin bags strewn across the pavement. Unintelligible or non existent road signs. Short bits of wide road joined by ridiculously narrow ones so that nothing actually joins up. Congestion charging. Potholes. Dog turds. Litter. Chewing gum on the seats of all the buses and tube trains. Great ugly lumps of concrete dumped in the street to “prevent terrorism” but actually just prevent the traffic moving.

And then, when you are stuck on the South Circular at virtually the same spot for two hours waiting for the smoky poison-pumping wreck of a bus in front to move forward another two centimetres, you have to read some smug advertising hoarding commissioned by Ken “newt-brain” Livingstone telling you how bloody marvellous London is since he took the helm!

And don’t get me started on that mismanaged cesspit they call Heathrow!

Bush wanted!

This made me chuckle. Hopefully one day the law enforcement agencies will get the bastard – before he emigrates to the 40,050 hectare ranch he has just bought in Paraguay. This was the same country that many Nazis escaped to after 1945. Seems the Bush Gang plans to do the same. It is unlikely to be a coincidence that Paraguay has a loophole in its extradition treaty with the USA that excludes “political crimes”!

Of course once the law gets after Bush and his criminal cronies, even if it can’t actually catch them all, there is a very good chance that we can finally get that grinning, lying, two-faced shyster Blair.

Wanted - George Dubbya Massmurderer Bush Bastard

This was lifted from…

There is a bigger version that you can download and use to print T-shirts or scale down for desktop wallpaper. You can also print it out and perhaps send a copy to Tony Blair just to make the lying two-faced bastard pee himself in anticipation of the fate that eventually awaits him.

Webfooted weblog receives
much-needed beak-lift

As you all know, I am a very busy, international, jet-setting sort of a goose. This means I don’t have much time for mundane things, such as washing, tidying my pond or keeping my blog up to date.


Basically, I never bothered to change the look of my blog from the default “Kubrick” template that the WordPress software came with. Trouble was that frankly it looked rather boring. It was not the sort of image that a glamorous goose-about-town such as yours truly really desired. So last night I sat down with the latest GIMP (Gnu Image Manipulation Program) and had a good splash around to see if I could perk up my blog just a little bit.

Now there is much debate online regarding GIMP versus a commercial product called Adobe Photoshop. I accept that Photoshop is generally pretty good. Lots of graphics professionals use it. But it costs a wing and a leg. And I am far too mean to pay for expensive, proprietary, American software. Besides, there isn’t a version for Linux yet – though I did make Photoshop version 7 for Windoze run under Linux using WINE, once upon a time. Buggered if I can remember how!

Granted, “GIMP” is a bloody silly name for a product that should really be taken very seriously. On the other hand, GIMP offers cross-platform compatibility in a manner that totally eludes Adobe. There are versions of GIMP for Linux, FreeBSD, Solaris, Apple Crapintosh and Windoze. But its real difference is that GIMP is 100% open source. This means that the source code is freely available to all. It also means that GIMP can be recompiled for virtually any modern graphical operating system.

Even better, it is 100% FREE of charge too. Yes FREE! No strings, no adware, spies or nasty stuff. It’s just good, solid software for your computer with no damage to your wallet whatsoever.

So, whilst the arty types slug it out over on Slashdot & Purestorm, the debate round these parts never really left the pond. GIMP is now the official image editor of choice for all good little geese everywhere. Check it out…

Honk! Honk!

PS. No wallets were harmed in the making of this site! 🙂

Glad it’s all over

Well thank goodness it is all over. England lost. No surprises there. No more stupid flag-waving and chanting (at least for a while). Hopefully the disgraceful behaviour of its fans will now subside into a more mundane and dreary level of chavdom and petty crime.

The fact that England (or “Engerland” as it is called by its grunting fans) got chucked out of the World Cup again is not the issue here. To get a feeling for the depths to which our nation has really sunk, take a look at this oafish, useless, spiteful, moronic chav. His mum must be so proud of him…

Wayne Rooney stamping on Portugal defender Ricardo Carvalho's testicles.
Wayne Rooney stamping on Portuguese defender Ricardo Carvalho’s testicles. From

Yes folks, this is “Engerland’s” star player Wayne Rooney, stamping on another man’s testicles as he and the bunch of useless, overpaid left-footers he plays with botch yet another match.

What kind of a human being can stamp on another man’s testicles? And what sort of message does this send out to “Engerland’s” beer-swilling, brawling supporters. Is it any wonder English football fans behave the way they do when this is the example the players set?

Far from being some sort of national hero, Rooney should be charged for assault and if convicted, jailed for life. This is a criminal offence, and Rooney is a violent, useless chav who should be dropped from the team immediately.

Elsewhere, 1500 “Engerland” fans poured more shame on this once-proud nation as they rioted in the otherwise quiet island of Jersey. Apparently they wanted to smash up some Portuguese shops. Why? Because Portugal won a football match!

Strange to think that in the middle of the last century countless people gave up their lives to defeat Naziism. Today, vile racist thugs drape themselves in our flag and have a free hand to do pretty much whatever they like.

The English team and its Neanderthal supporters are a national disgrace. Perhaps before we embarrass ourselves again at the next “World Cup”, the overpaid plonker calling himself “England Manager” will have the good grace to resign his team from the competition before it plays a single match. That way we can avoid any further football-based national disgrace, on or off the field.

Perhaps the greatest irony of all is that racist, flag-waving scumbags here in old Blighty are forever complaining about immigrants. But take one look at our football team and the morons that support it. Look at our appallingly incompetent and corrupt Government. Look at the state of our streets, our public services and our infrastructure. Bear in mind we are one of the most highly taxed nations on earth. Why any self-respecting foreign person should want to live here is completely beyond me.

Rip-off Britain, BBC-style

I gave my girlfriend my TV. She doesn’t watch it either! You see, here in the UK we have to pay over a hundred quid a year for a “TV Licence” just to watch this junk – even if you only watch foreign channels via satellite!

If you don’t have a TV Licence then the TV Licensing Authority send you letters asking why you don’t have a Licence? Most of mine go in the goose-shredder, unopened. But I confess I sent the last one back with just two words written on it with my large webbed feet, in thick, felt-tip pen. The second word was “OFF”.

And we still have vans with ‘revolving roof racks‘ roaming the streets trying to catch those who watch but don’t pay!

Now, to cap it all, the silly sods at the BBC have just given a revolting, gobby moron called Jonathan Ross a £18-million, 3-year contract, 100% paid for by the Licence Payers!

Most of the Licence Payers I have discussed the matter with would happily club together and pay that just to have the guy assassinated!

Honk! Honk!

Fed-up With Norton Antivirus?

Well, join the club! That horrid, resource-hogging monstrosity is the bane of my life. My advice? Dump Norton – if you can manage to uninstall the damned thing! My experience of Norton Antivirus is that it behaves much like the viruses it is supposed to protect you from…

  1. Uses lots of processing power.
  2. Stops other programs working properly.
  3. Difficult to remove.

So, for good, honest, does-what-it-says-on-the-tin, AV protection may I suggest the excellent, open source Clamwin instead. Seven good reasons…

1. It detects viruses that Norton misses.
2. It doesn’t hog all your resources.
3. It uninstalls cleanly if you don’t like it.
4. Its developer is honest about its shortcomings.
5. It’s free.
6. All its updates are free.
7. It’s not Norton.

Erm, try it…

If you need a software firewall then you might prefer Zone Alarm to Norton Firewall. The simple freeware version has kept my mum’s PC free of worms for years. Mother Goose does not like worms in her PC! And it’s pretty easy to understand & set up.

Better, how about a hardware firewall? Your needs may be more complex than mine but I find the firewall that came free with my Netgear broadband modem/hub/router/wireless/make-the-tea thing does me just fine.

But then I’m a simple soul…

Greed and Stupidity

They say “there is a mug born every minute”. Judging from the contents of our ‘in boxes’, the planet is becoming overrun by them. It seems astonishing to us geese, that articulate, intelligent humans actually believe that if they give some unknown company all their friends’ personal details then they will receive something really great for free, with no strings. It’s all true – like I’m Mother Teresa’s web-footed nephew! 🙂

The latest attempt at persuading people to sell-out their friends for a few freebies is now hitting our mailboxes here at GarfNet. It comes from an outfit calling itself ‘GetItFree‘. You go to GetItFree’s website and give it your friends’ email addresses. If you betray enough of your friends, then you might receive a free iPod. Meantime, GetItFree spams all your friends until they join up too, amidst offers of all sorts of free goodies. And if your buddies don’t join up first time, GetItFree continues to spam them, er I mean ‘remind‘ them until they do!

Why are you humans so gullible? Wake up and smell the pond, er I mean coffee! It’s just yet another email harvesting scam! It works like this…

Lists of genuine email addresses are worth a lot of money. These scams bring out the Judas in gullible humans by persuading you to sell your friends email addresses for a handful of silver (e.g. an iPod). Then, surprise, surprise, no silver! If you really hassle them you might get something of lesser value. But probably not! The key to how this scam works is actually contained in GetItFree’s own terms of service, if you can be bothered to read them…

Especially this bit (copied verbatim 2006-05-12)…

GetItFree reserves the right to modify or amend this Agreement at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all, at GetItFree’s sole discretion. We also reserves the right to change the methods through which free products are earned. This may include, but is not limited to, increasing the number of friends you have to refer or adding more steps to confirm that you have a legitimate account. GetItFree may also add or remove any gift product listed as an incentive at any time. If we replace a product, the new product may not be of equal value.

I.e. You sell-out your friends. Then GetItFree can change the agreement in whatever way it wants, whenever it pleases and you are entitled to precisely NOTHING! Great deal huh?!? At least Judas actually received his thirty pieces of silver!

My advice…

  1. Do a Google search before subscribing to any “too good to be true” scheme/scam. It only takes a few minutes and it can save your friendships and prevent you from making a complete fool of yourself.
  2. If the scam is web-based then read its terms and conditions carefully. You might need a magnifying glass to read all that smallprint but they are always good for a laugh!
  3. If you really are determined to be stupid then please don’t involve us! We don’t want any free offers. Please don’t give companies our personal details without asking our permission. Especially mine!

By the way, if you live in the European Union then passing on other people’s personal details to third parties without their consent probably contravenes the EU Privacy Directive and you could face legal action.

Honk! Honk!